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PENICILLIN

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No.1 Friday 22nd October 2021

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Welcome to the first issue of ‘PENICILLIN’, so-called because it comes to you from an Edwardian mansion block in Praed Street, Paddington, London, no more than a good strength ejaculation’s distance from the room where Sir Alexander Fleming rather accidentally discovered penicillin.

For the past 18 months or so I have had the honour to be writing for PunchRiot magazine. My hope is that Penicillin can be a little sister to that great organ and co-exist alongside it.

My plan, formulated while sitting in the nearby public house, is that this magazine will be issued as a free PDF to any poor soul who wishes to join the mailing list. Each number will also be available as an e-book for £1.99 & as a paperback for £2.99 a time. Amazon insist on minimum charges for everything they publish so the prices cannot be lower than that unfortunately.

I would love to accept submissions. However, I don’t really have any money to pay for them! This is a labour of love. Initially I am thinking I would pay a flat £5 for each article printed and the same for each drawing or painting printed. 

This first issue is a small sampler. An experiment. A shot in the dark. Maybe by accident, like Sir Alexander before me, I will accidentally stumble on something wonderful.

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PENICILLIN CONTRA PUNCHRIOT

I love PunchRiot magazine & I think it is fair to say there has been no more passionate supporter & promoter of it, but I have frustrations with it. One, I wish it were more regular. Two, I wish it printed artwork and photographs. Three, I wish the esteemed editor would print his own words. Mr August argues that he does not want it to be a vanity project. I have no such qualms. As I have said to my occasionally good friend M.T.White—between feuds—what art is not a vanity project? What was the Mona Lisa, the Sistine Chapel ceiling or Beethoven’s symphonies but vanity projects? My great hero Karl Kraus started his magazine Die Fackel with lots of contributors but then before long ended up writing the whole thing himself. I wish Mr August would put more of himself into his own magazine. I love his views on writing and cryptocurrencies, for example, and would like to read them in PunchRiot. As I say, I will not spare you my views on ANYTHING. 

I have many works in progress at the moment and my idea is that I will present excerpts from them in these pages. 

What I want to aim for most of all is rapidity. To get something out every Friday if I can in classic “something for the weekend sir?” style. So my ejacolytes can get their weekly fix.

Already this mag is becoming affectionately known as ‘The Penny’ in the pubs & saunas of Paddington. Good!

YES IT IS I

Yes it is I, the Marquis de Vaccine, and I bestride the London literary scene in a most appalling way.

What are these ‘ejacolytes’ of whom I speak?

Ejacolytes—noun: people influenced & inspired by the ejaculatory writings of the Marquis de Vaccine.

example: "We are all ejacolytes now."

If a young writer wrote to me for advice, I would say: "What is necessary, after all, is only this: ejaculation, vast uncontrollable ejaculation. Ejaculate so much you think you're about to die. Priapism—permanent erection—this is what you must be able to attain." 

I have started wearing a tulip in my buttonhole, and I urge all my devoted followers—my Ejacolytes—to do the same; so that we might recognise each other.

This magazine was born out of a crisis; the crisis of PunchRiot disappearing from our lives.